The maid of honor just puked.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Less talking, more tequila
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
