But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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