I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
