My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
