That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
