You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Boobs are out for the taking
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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