I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
