AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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