I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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