Just cropdusted the office
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
