There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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