i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize