I cannot find my penis.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
No subtext here. People are naked.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
