I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
