dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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