She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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