Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
