Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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