Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I would fuck him just for his dog
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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