Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
