Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
