I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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