ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
