did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
