The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
