What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
