So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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