They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
