yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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