I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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