yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
