she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
