I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
