WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
