You just made me feel so damn special
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
