you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
