i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
