i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
