its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
