just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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