Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
