THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
