Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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