the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
