If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
