yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
