I think i peed on brittanys purse
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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