He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
