Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
