Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
